Caregiving Without Losing Yourself: What I Wish I Knew Sooner

Caregiving is a calling of the heart. It’s rooted in compassion, love, and a deep sense of responsibility. But let’s be honest: caregiving can also feel like a silent sacrifice. It’s emotionally draining, physically exhausting, and often thankless. If you're reading this while taking care of a loved one with Alzheimer's, dementia, or any long-term illness, I see you. I've been there. And I want to share what I wish someone told me when I first became a caregiver.

1. You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup

I thought self-care was selfish. When I started caring for both of my parents, I threw myself into it with everything I had. I skipped meals. I skipped sleep. I skipped myself. Eventually, I found myself burnt out, resentful, and disconnected from the very people I was trying to help. The truth? You can't be your best for others when you're running on empty.

What helped me: Scheduling even 10-minute breaks to breathe, cry, pray, or journal was transformational. It helped me return to caregiving with clarity and compassion.

2. Ask for Help, Then Accept It

One of my biggest regrets is waiting too long to ask for help. Whether it was help with meals, errands, or simply sitting with my loved ones for an hour so I could nap, I thought I had to do it all. But caregiving is not a solo sport.

What helped me: Creating a small "care team" of friends, family, and church members who were willing to take on small tasks made a big difference. Even professional help, when possible, can be a lifeline.

3. Your Emotions Are Valid

Caregivers often feel guilt, anger, grief, and even resentment and then guilt about feeling those things. It's a heavy cycle. I want you to hear this clearly: your emotions are not a failure of character. They're a reflection of your humanity.

What helped me: Writing about my feelings in a journal or talking to a trusted friend reminded me that I wasn’t alone, and that it was okay to not be okay.

4. Planning Ahead Is a Gift, Not a Burden

Legal paperwork, financial planning, and healthcare decisions can feel overwhelming, especially when you're already in survival mode. But not addressing them early only adds more stress later.

What helped me: Getting power of attorney, a living will, and organizing medication and medical history in one binder gave me peace of mind and helped in emergency situations.

5. Your Story Matters

Every caregiving journey is different, but none of us should walk it alone. Sharing your story, your struggles, and your survival helps others feel less isolated and more equipped. That’s why I wrote Scattered: A Caregiver’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia. It was the book I needed when I was in the middle of my storm. I wrote it for you to offer hope, guidance, and real-life tools that help.

You Deserve Support, Too. You are doing sacred work. But you are more than a caregiver. You are a person with needs, dreams, and a life outside of caregiving. You matter, too.

If you need support, encouragement, or simply a reminder that you’re not alone, download a copy of Scattered: A Caregiver’s Journey—available now for instant access. michellesumrall.com